If you don’t like the results, declare yourself the winner

To everyone that I lost to in baseball, basketball, and football, I declare myself the winner since you cheated me. Regardless of the score on the board, the many home runs, baskets, and touchdowns that you did not see should have counted.

I calculate that I won by 5 in baseball, 10 points in basketball, and by 2 touchdowns in football. I now have an undefeated record in all recreational activities.